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[02.01.07 at 6:16pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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The Grim Goodbye |
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What do you do when you lose someone, your family member, and it feels like you lost part of yourself?
I miss her so bad, it hurts way too much... I wish today never happen or came.
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| BLAH |
[01.18.07 at 11:52pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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music |
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Somewhere I Belong - Linkin Park |
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So I don’t know why every time I am down I always manage to spill it on here…. Not like anyone would read this…. I hope not and if you do sorry. You must think I am some depresso 24/7 cause all I do is bitch and say depressing stuff. I am really not like this 24/7. Its just I cant figure out some things and find it helps to let it out and that only happens when i am worried about something or upset about something. Not to mention so lost and totally confused… BLAH!!!! Its so frustrating and all. >.
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| What to do..... |
[01.16.07 at 2:49pm] |
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mood |
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discontent |
] |
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music |
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Skillet - Last Night |
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Wondering… oh dear I know I am at it again… damn mind is just nonstop… kinda sad. Anyway ever left somewhere cause you weren’t happy… didn’t feel like you fit in too well or didn’t know how…. Then after some time you go back thinking things would change and find that its worst then before… like you are totally useless and a total outsider not even knowing where you can start to fit in again… or even if possible? Do i leave again? or what? **is lost at to what to do**
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| Thinking yet again |
[01.15.07 at 1:35am] |
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mood |
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 thoughtful |
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So I was thinking yet again but what got me thinking was Nickleback’s If everyone cared song. (one of my all time favorites) But it really did get me to think and as my mind wonder to endless thoughts and beyond I ended back at myself. More so about my artist side and wondering will I ever be one to make a difference in the world. Even if it only one person I make a difference for… to me that would be enough. But the question could I do that or would I be able to. I always have been one to sit back and take everything in and think about it. I have a very open mind. I don’t mind others opinions… I like to hear them but I don’t like when they try to impose that their idea is right no questions ask. Other then, again I like to hear what others have to say. Only thing is I was never one to tell what I thought about ideas or really tell anyone what really goes on in my mind or ideas.
I want that to change a bit. I want to be one who makes a difference in at least one person’s life. Its more to the point I want to change myself and become a better artist and grow as a human being. I want to make an effort. Do something that matters to other, to care. In someway I also think it might help me before more happy and not depress all the time. I need something in life to work for and feel passionate about. (I am not really talking about politics either… world issue would be a better way to word it) Things I see and how I feel about. What I like and don’t like. Stuff I never would share before I want to share and hopefully through my art.
At one time I thought art would be my life and somewhere down the road of life I lost that and since then been so unhappy. I have tried to hide the fact I been so unhappy and depress but lately it’s been harder and harder to hide. There are points I don’t want to move from my bed… weeks at time at that. I had nothing to get up for…. But there was art and forgetting art had made me realize I forgot a part of myself because art is my life… that’s all I know. So hopefully I can throw myself back into it and become me again, happy and some how make someone else happy.
I guess what this is leading to is that I dont want to live a meaningless life... i want to matter, to care and in return be cared for.
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